When I became a mother at eighteen years old I had no idea I would become a woman 18 years later. In my mind, at that age, the two were synonymous. It was not until my thirty-sixth birthday, when my children gifted me with a poster covered with post-it notes detailing their individual experiences of me that I realized I was, to some degree, a woman. It shocked me but it was undeniable. I could clearly see myself as a mother and even as a wife; but a woman? Me? I did not feel worthy of such a title and quite honestly, a part from being a wife and a mother, I could not think of any reason to be considered that.

I quickly recognized that I would have to define what it meant to be a woman for myself, so I spent the remaining years of my thirties researching, learning and characterizing my womanhood; a process I have come to know will not terminate. I celebrated my fortieth birthday with a casino themed party. It was a coming out of sorts—and for the first time in my life I looked like and felt like a woman inside and out. It was beautiful!

One of the clearest indications for me that I was indeed a woman, was acknowledging the girl. It was in fact, her bravery and sacrifice that carried me to that life changing moment on my thirty-sixth birthday. When I was thirty, I had written a poem for a creative writing class that perfectly pays homage to the girl and appropriately affirms the woman. I titled the poem “Growing Pains” and later renamed it “Sankofa”, which can be translated as “GO BACK AND GET IT” and it constantly reminds me to remember ME…and her!

“Sankofa”
How can I go on with my life when so much of it is locked away in my past?
The woman in me wants to live, but is constantly weighed down by the little girl in me who refuses to die.

Left to fend for herself, underdeveloped and overlooked, she relentlessly tugs at my heart; desiring one more chance to live a life that somehow still seems possible.
Housed in anger, clothed in shame she makes her bed in a sea of pain and
confusion; longing to be rescued from what’s become her reality.

Living in a fantasy world that’s filled with real people, places and things that are fake; trapped by fake emotions that are real, drowning in the same ignorance that has already claimed the lives of her predecessors, who still live yet die.
Who will save her from the disgrace of growing up too fast and growing up too slow and not growing up at all?

The ONE whose hands are strong enough to hold her yet not BREAK her,
BREAK her yet not DESTROY her, put her back together again perfect and without defect.
The ONE whose WORDS bring LIGHT and LIFE to a heart stomped out,
betrayed from the womb, toxic in nature cleansed by the power of His LOVE…

Yeah, now she’s ready.
Lacking nothing, capable of all things, including the impossible.
The journey is fierce but His GRACE has prevailed. STRENGTHENING the
woman, COMFORTING, the little girl, CARRYING them both into a well thought out DESTINY.